Anekdotai (tik susįję su transportu!)

[RAMIREZ]

Acura
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment.
Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents.
Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
Any Child Understands Real Automobilis.
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents.
Awful Crappy Unreliable Rusty Automobile.

AMC
Afro Motor Company.
All Makes of Cars.

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence.
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.

BEETLE
Battered Everywhere Expect To Lose Engine.

BMW
Babbling Mechanical Wench.
Bad Mannered Wankers.
BART / Muni / Walking (transportation in San Francisco).
Bastard Money Wielders.
Basic Marin Wheels.
Bavarian Manure Wagon.
Bayerisher Mist Wagen (Bavarian shit-car in german).
Beastly Monstrous Wonder.
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels.
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste.
Big Money Waster.
Big Money. Why?
Bimbette Motor Weapon.
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck.
Born Moderately Wealthy.
Bought My Wife.
Bowel Movement Wagon (Bowdlerized term for Shitmobile).
Break My Wind.
Break My Windows.
Broken Money Waster.
Broken Monstrous Wonder.
Brutal Money Waster.
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch.
Break My Windshield.

BOWTIE
Big Over Weight Tired Impotent Engines.

BUICK
Big Ugly Import Car Killer.
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
Built Under Inspection of Cooky Korean.
Big Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer.

CAMARO
Can't America Make A Real One?

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
Cheap Hardly Efficient Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
Cranks Hard Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time.
Crappy Hot-Running Engines Very Rusted Out Lose Every Time.

CHEVY
Charged Heavily.
Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet.
Cruddy Hick Engine, Very Yucky.

CHRYSLER
Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs.
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's.

CITROEN
Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutvers.

DATSUN
Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips.
Driven At Top Speed Until Nackered.

DODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater.
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter.
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
Drips Oil Drops Grease Everywhere.
Dead Old Dog Going East.
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires.
Dead On Delivery - Go Easy.
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired.

EFI
Extra F*****G Insurance.

EDSEL
Every Day Something Else Leaks.

FIAT
F**king Idiot Assembled This!
F**king Italian Attempt (at) Transportation.
F**king Italians Ain't Trustworthy.
Failure in Automotive Technology.
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
Fart in a Tin.
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation.
Fix it again Tony!
Fix It All the Time.
Fast Italian Attack Termite.

FORD
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot.
F**kin Owner Real Dumb!!
Fabricated Of Refried Dung.
Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
Fault Of R & D.
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
Federation Of Rusty Dungers.
Ferociously Overpowered Road Demon.
First on race day.
First On Recall Day.
First On Rust and Deterioration.
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma.
Fix Or Repair Daily.
Flip Over Read Directions.
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled.
For Old Retired Dudes.
Forced On Reluctant Drivers.
Forlorn Old Ratridden Dustbin.
Fork Over Repair Dough.
Formed Of Rejected Dna.
Forwarded Once Return Denied.
Found On Road Dead.
Found On Roadside Dump.
Found On Roof Demolished.
Found On Rubbish Dump.
Found On Russian Dump.
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's.
Frequent Opinion Really Disappointed.
Frequent Overhaul Rapid Deterioration.
Fumes Odours Readily Detected.
F**cked Old Rebuilt Dodge.
F**cked Or Rarely Driven.
F**cked Over Roadside Derelict.
Fails On Rainy Days.
Fastest On Road, Dip!
First On Road to Dump.
Found Outside Refuse Dump (Ref'use).
Found Outside Rotting Dump.
Funny Old Rattling Dump.
Fucked On Race Day.
Friggin' Ol' Rebuilt Dodge.
Final Organ of Reproductive Discipline.
Fond Of Resonating Decibels.
Finally Obsolete Racing Devize.
Forgot Our Recommended Defaults.
Foot On Road Decelerates.
First Order of Reproductive Discipline.
For Old, Rotten Deadbeat.
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven.
Fireball On Rear Denting.
Frequently On Ritalin Designers.
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream.
Failed On Research & Development.
Fatal Oral/Rectal Delivery.
Famous Odor Resistant Dog.
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver (onboard).
Falling Off: Rusty Door.
Free Or Reduced Drastically.
Found On Redneck's Driveway.
Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
Flipping Over Results in Death.
Friends Old Reluctant Dragster.
Fathers Other Reluctant Dump.

GM
Garbage Makers.
General Maintenance.
General Mistake.
Generous Motors.
Gone Missing.
Great Machine.
Great Mistake.
Grungy Merchandise.

GMC
Garage Man's Companion.
Generally Mediocre Cars.
Get More Chicks.
God Made Creation.
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Got More Crap.
Got Mums Car.
Got Mums Crate.
Got Moms Car.

GTI
Got Tossers Inside.

HOLDEN
Heavy Oil Leaks Deafening Engine Noise.
Hold On Love Damn Engines Nackered.
Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now.
Horrible Obscene Loud Disgusting Engine Nosies.

HONDA
Had Odd Noises Daily Also.
Had One Never Did Again.
Hand Over Dollars to Asians.
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile.
Helping Out Nips Destroying America.
Hold On No Damn Anchor.
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything.
How Odd-No Damn Acceleration.

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import.

IROC
It's Really Only a Camaro
I Race Other Cars.
I Run Over Children.
I'd Rather Own a Corvette.
I'm Really Out of Cash.
Italian Retard Out Cruising.

JAGUAR
Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail.

JEEP
Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts.
Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole.
Jumps Everything Ever Parked.
Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts.
Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts.
Just Eat Every Pickle.
Just Everyone Elses Parts.
Just Eats Every Part.

LOTUS
Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious.

LTD
Long Term Debt.
Lousy Transportation, Dammit!
Little Tin Dream.
Last Try from Detroit.
Long Time Driving.

MAZDA
Making A Zillion Dollars Annually.
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly.
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.

MG
Money Guzzler.

MOPAR
Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars.
More Old Parts and Rust.
Mostly Old Paint And Rust.
Mostly Old Parts And Rust.
Mostly Over Powered And Respected.
Move Over Power Approaching Rapidly.
Move Over People Are Racing.
Mutilates Other Products At Races.
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously.
Most Often Passed At Races.
My Old Pig Ain't Running.
My Only Problems Are Repairs.

NAPA
Never Any Parts Available.
Need Another Part A**-hole.

NISSAN
Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon.
Now In Some Shitty Automobile Nightmare.

OLDS
One Leak, Dead Starter.
Old Lemons Dying Slowly.

OLDSMOBILE
Oh Look Dammit Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything.
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere.
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel.
Overpriced Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular LeftoverEquipment.
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.

PINTO
Put In New Transmission Often.
Put In Nickel To Operete.

PLYMOUTH
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PONTIAC
Plenty Of Noises That Irritate And Clank.
Poor Old Ni**er Thinks It's A Cadillac.
Poor Old Nutter Thinks Its A Cadillac.
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Rities.

PORSCHE
Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine.
Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine.
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough.
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions.
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense.
Probably Obtained Recently Since Car-owner Hocked Everything.
PROBE
Plainly Runs Only By Exception.

RENAULT
Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash.

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back.
Stupid Arrogant Asshole Babies.
Such an arrogant bastard!
Swedish Automobile - Always Broken.
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
Swedish Automobiles Are Best.
Slow And Always Busted.

STP
Stop Those Pistons.

SUBARU
Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium.
(backwards) U-R-A-Bus

SUZUKI
Son U Zombie U Killed It.

TOYOTA
Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

TORANA
Ton Of Rust And No Acceleration.

TRIUMPH
The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily.

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
Very Old Ladies Vehicle Only.

VW
Very Worrying.
Very Worthless.
Very Wucked.
Virtually Worthless.
Very Wobbly.

[Fon]

[Vyciunia]

Kompiuterine grafika visagale

[Sergej]

Kompiuterine grafika visagale

Вчера была жопа, сегодня была жопа, завтра уже точно будет жопа. Похоже ситуация стабилизируется!

[Juoda_Meska]

2050 metai.6000-asis mersas įžūliai užlenda prieš pat zapo nosį, ir šis nespėja sustabdyti.
Iš limuzino išlipa supernovaruskis infraraudonu švarku ir mobiliu videofonu rankoj. Po kiek laiko iš sumalto zapo išsiropščia net pažaliavęs senis:
- Asile, juk tai kolekcinis rankom rinktas modelis! Nė neįsivaizduoji, idiote, kiek tau tai kainuos!

[dalgis]

ne anekdotas o realus skelbimas:
Kiti komentarai ir pastabos: vaziuokle idejeli vyskas veike suletintujas 4x4 ir veike nauja kabina uzdeta nepasiause ir nudaze tai kaipkurios vietos lupasi ta praejo savu hodu. arba keiciu i sunkviezimi nu gali but 80m ford tranzit su kuzavu arba kazka panasaus galiu keist ir i gazelka, zila, maza. gali but su defektais nedideleis ir be ta. yra dujos tik isidet reke..

http://www.autogidas.lt/skelbimas.html?01.3025769

[Direktorius]

Mirsta legendinis automobilio kurejas porse. Danguje ji pasitinka Sventas Petras ir sako:
- F erdinandai Porse, uz nuopelnus automobiliu pramonei as ispildysiu bet kokius tavo norus.
porse pagalvojo ir sako:
- Leisk man pasikalbeti su Viespaciu.
Sventas Petras linkteli galva ir nuveda ji pas Dieva.
Porse jo klausia:
- Dieve, apie ka tu galvojai, kai tverei moteri?
- Ka turi omenyje? - nesuprato kurejas.
- Tavo kurinys pilnas klaidu. Stai, ziurek:
1. Priekines dalies aerodinamika galetu buti geresne.
2. Triuksmo lygis labai aukstas.
3. Kiekviena menesi ji reikalauja penkiu arba sesiu dienu eksplotacines pertraukos.
4. Uzpakaline dalis pakabinta per daug laisvai.
5. Jai reikia nuolat atnaujinti stiliu.
6. Ismetimo vamzdis per daug arti uzpylimo angos.
7. zibintai dazniausiai buna per dideli.
8. Amortizacines islaidos nepalyginimai didesnes uz eksplotacijos metu gaunama nauda.
Dievas pamaste ir sako:
-Ferdinandai, galbut tavo zodziuose ir yra tiesos, bet, remiantis statistika, mano isradimu vyrai naudojasi dazniau, negu tavo.

[LaurynasC]

Savo senolę "Mazda 626" pirkau tą pačią vasarą, kai mano golfukui ties
> Kryžkalniu užkalė variklis. Jam buvo jau penkeri metai, kai griuvo
> Berlyno siena. Šiaip esu įsitikinęs, kad ramiai vairuojant jis man dar
> ilgailaikys, nes variklis geras, tepalo nedegina ir amortizatoriai dar
> neblogi.
> Kaip ir minėjau, esu ramus vairuotojas ir kitiems vairuotojams tai
> tikriausiai patinka, nes man jie nuolat mirksi šviesomis, signalizuoja
> iš džiaugsmo ir kažką šypsodamiesi sako, kai galiausiai mane aplenkia.
> Kartais iškelia ranką ir sveikinasi, bet nelabai į tai reaguoju, nes
> vairuojant reikia žiūrėti į kelią.
> Tačiau pasitaiko ir piktų vairuotojų. Vieną kartą važiavau kaip visada
> namo po darbo ir jaučiau, kad tą dieną buvo gana slidu. Tokiu slidžiu
> keliu galima važiuoti ne daugiau kaip 40 kilometrų per valandą
> greičiu, kad jaustumeisi ramus. Važiavau dar truputį lėčiau, kad
> būčiau visiškai ramus ir pasitraukiu į antrą juostą - jeigu sumėtys,
> spėsiu ištiesinti vairą,prieš atsitrenkdamas į šaligatvį.
> Matomumas buvo gana geras, nes kelią puikiai apšvietė iš paskos
> važiuojantis automobilis. Tik kažkaip keistai jis švietė - tai stipriau,
> tai silpniau. Šviesa akinamai atsispindėjo galinio vaizdo
> veidrodžliuose, todėl į juos stengiausi visiškai nežiūrėti.
> Staiga sustojus prie šviesoforo iš to automobilio už manęs išlipo pora
> dvimetrinių paršų ir priėję prie mano automobiliuko jie ramiais
> judesiais nulaužė abu veidrodėlius.
> "Ką darot, piktavaliai?, - piktai pasakau jiems atsidaręs langą.
> - Kodėl gadinat mano automobilį, niekšai?".
> "Tau veidrodėliai vis tiek nereikalingi", - atsakė vienas ir iki pusės
> įlindęs į saloną nulaužė trečiąjį veidrodėlį.
> Po to kelias savaites buvau labai susinervinęs ir sunkiai užmigdavau.
> Taip niekad ir nesupratau, už ką jie man nulaužė tuos veidrodėlius ir
> džiaugiausi, kad daugiau nieko nepadarė. Veidrodėliai važiuojant yra man
> praktiškai nereikalingi, nes esu optimistas ir žvelgiu tik į priekį.

[GINTIL]

veidrodėlis - moteriškas dalykėlis...

[Ramzis]

Iš gyvenimo

Čia irgi susiję su transportu

Klaipedos univere buvo 4 studentai, kurie labai gerai mokesi. Artejo chemijos egzas. Jis turejo buti pirmadieni 8 val ryto. Bet visi buvo tokie tikri savo sekmes, jog nusprende baliavoti ir nuvare i Vilniu pas draugus pagerti. Ir taip uzgere, kad sekmadieni uzmigo ir atsikele pirmadieni tik apie 12 val. I egzamina aisku nespejo, bet pagalvojo, kad sumeluos destytuvui ir gal kazkaip praeis.

Nuvare pas destytuva ir sako, kad savaitgali buvo pas draugus Vilniuje, mokesi, norejo dar labiau pagilinti savo zinias, bet griztant is Vilniaus sprogo masinos ratas, neturejo atsarginio ir nerado kas jiems padetu. Uztat jie ir pavelavo i egzamina. Destytojas pagalvojo ir sako:
- Ok. Galit ateiti rytoj ir perlaikyt egza.

Studentai patenkinti, pasimoke dar is vakaro ir kita ryta eina i egza. Destytojas pasodino juos i atsikras patalpas, uzdare duris.Isdalino uzduotis. Testas buvo uz 100 tasku. Ant pirmo puslapio buvo uzduotis uz 5 taskus, kuria be problemu visi atliko. Antrame puslapyje buvo tik vienas klausimas uz 95 taskus:
- "Kuris ratas"?